I know how Stretch Armstrong feels. I feel like everybody in my life is pulling me in different directions, just seeing how far I can stretch before I snap back into place. I am tired of being accommodating. I can't even go to my parent's house for the weekend without having to schedule everything around someone else. My boyfriend is going, so I have to wait til he gets off my work. Then a friend wants to go so she can play house with my brother and she wants me to wait until the next morning so that she can go to her brother's birthday party on Friday night. All I want to do is go home and see my mother. I really just want to go alone but, of course, I am being all nice and bringing everyone with me. I am leaving Friday night and if someone wants to go, they better be in Ole Red when she pulls onto I45. Work is driving me crazy. My boss is driving me crazy. I cannot deal with any more bratty men. I need men in my life who act like men. Not boys. I can't deal with the mood swings, the temper tantrums, the constant need for attention. It's exhausting. It's draining have to deal with the temper tantrums that he shows towards admin because he doesn't get his way, so therefore it makes us all look bad. I am as loyal as a yard dog, but I am not going down on a sinking ship. This whole new "selfish" bit applies to my job too. I am looking out for ME.
I am not a coddler. I don't deal well with other people's feelings. I don't have the energy to constantly pat someone on the ass and tell me them how great they are. I don't have time to build up others' self esteem. So why am I surrounded by emotionally needy people?
I feel like I am beating my head against a concrete wall. I know it's just causing me pain and not really helping the situation. I walk on eggs shells sometimes. I spend my time fighting back a crazy scream or tears. I feel like I have no control because my decisions to make me happy need to be selfish and being selfish hurts people. I can't hang on to things that aren't good for me, even it means hurting other people.
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Like I always say, "if I'M not happy, NOBODY's happy!" Sure, we can't be completely heartless and not do things for others; otherwise we couldn't expect others to do things for us, but it's still important to make yourself happy even if you have to hurt someones else's feelings. If they are mature and a true friend, then they'll understand. Life is too short to be miserable all the time and nobody likes to be around miserable people.
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