Friends with Benefits

Oh the "friend." He comes up in a conversation and you find yourself saying "my friend..." and everybody knows what that friend is. The one you call on scratch an itch. Friends with benefits, f**k buddies, booty call...however you want to classify him. Are they a bad idea or are they just a means to satisfy a human urge? There's a lot of debate out there with concerns to the "friend."
Not everyone can handle it. The unemotional sex. It's a not a bad thing. Sometimes I wish I couldn't be that detached. I wish I had could hold out for that perfect person to give myself to. But I just don't see it that way. Izzie says she can't imagine using a guy for sex. I don't feel like I am using anybody . Using someone implies you are deceiving them. So if you put your cards on the table before you start to play, no one is deceived.
So after I got to thinking, I started asking my friends... What do you look for in a "friend?" Do they like the mature older man who is settled and comfortable with his life? Or the eager to prove himself younger man? Then there's the guy who is around your age and who is in the same place you are in your life. It can be a difficult decision for the modern woman. Do you actively seek out someone to have a short term relationship with or choose someone you already know? One thing is for sure, you better know what you want. Generally speaking, you need to pick someone who wants the same thing you do. Get it all out on the table. because I know we all think we only want sex, but its not always true. As much as I like to think I am detached and unemotional, it's not always true. Every now and then the romantic comes out in me and I want that fairy tale romance.
Each of my friend have different opinions on the age thing. Rosita likes an older man. She says they understand that its just about the sex and they are stable. Andi and Julie say some your own age is the best. Especially at our age. Claire says it doesn't matter but she sees the appeal of an older man. Like Rosita, she thinks stability and comfort are pluses. Candi is the exception. Not because of the age, she picked someone around her age but because she is sleeping with her best friend. There has always been a sexual tension between them but she tried to ignore it. Then she let him wear her down. (She'll love me for that comment) She says that it hasn't changed anything. That they know it's just about the sex. She won't admit it, but she wonders about if they'd be good in a relationship. But she's not willing to risk their relationship. A friendship can overcome sex, but it won't overcome a breakup.
I have had 2 relationships where I would consider them "friends." I did have a short term affair with a friend. It didn't really change anything and we have both moved on to relationships and kept our friendship intact. If I had to go back though, I wouldn't have done it. The first guy was in college. I wouldn't call us friends. We were two people who were attracted to opposites. We had mutual friends and so we saw each other a lot, but our relationship consisted of a call after the bar and a hit it a quit.
The second guy was someone I met several years later. I was older and knew what I was looking for. He is around my age and relatively successful. When we first met I thought it might be something more, but he made it obvious all he wanted was sex. So I didn't push it and I enjoyed him. We are fond of each other and have remained friends.
Each of these relationships has impacted my life in some way. So I can't be regretful for either.
But one thing I have learned is that you have to know what you want. If you are looking for a relationship then you need to be honest with him and with yourself. Don't confuse sex for a relationship. Don't settle for sex when you want a relationship. But if just sex is all you are looking for, then know yourself and what you want and after it with an open mind and open legs.